I received an Amazon credit for a trade-in of a law book for the book known as
Unstuff Your Life by Andrew J. Mellen, who is praised to be a renowned professional organizer living in New York City. Kind of have to be "with it" to live there well. Everyone else ends up underground or homeless.
Any how, I kind of expected a picture book to go along with helpful insightful words, but there's not a single picture. That was the initial bummer but I wasn't going to let that keep me from opening the book up and continue checking it out.
The first chapter is "You Are Not Your Stuff". I actually recently discovered this, last August. When my father died, I had a weird thought of how all of his cars, toys and belongings held no meaning anymore. They were all wasted. Sure, my mom still owned them too as she is still around, but they were really
his stuff that she let him collect over years and years of sadness. He had lost his only blood-related daughter (as he has an adopted one as well) to a rare European disease when she was just shy of 16. I think he had lost his heart the same day. And now that he is gone, I know that he is with her and that is all he wanted out of life - not his stuff. His five cars, buckets of batteries, magazines, gaming systems he never even opened had no meaning. They were just stuff that took up space and now, every time anyone sees his possessions, they think of him and become sad when they can move on with life and unclutter their souls and minds.
So I did know about stuff being clutter. I did know that when you leave this world nothing matters to you more than being with the ones you love because people matter.
There's a questionairre in the book that I wanted to go through and answer. For me and for you. You can use these questions, copy them and fill out your own answers. They may surprise you.
Questions:
- Do you often feel stuck? - Sometimes, but not with my things - with life. Sometimes I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing or if I have a purpose, so yes, I do feel stuck.
- How often do you feel overwhelmed? - Often, there are many demands in life and people expect us to behave and act like robots but we are human filled with emotions and cannot fulfill these demands every time they occur. That alone is overwhelming; the idea that we cannot finish, compete much less satisfy others.
- Do you feel that there is something you should be doing but can never get to? Yes, fixing up the house and writing that damn book I know I need to write but just never have the time or energy to get up and go do it. I am fixing up the house though and while my body aches, it's rewarding.
- Are there things you keep telling yourself you'll do as soon as other things are finished? - Possibly but that's what Google Calendar is for. Set days when things must be done, not because it's a deadline for someone else; it's a deadline for you. Planners don't work for me. I lose them or never look at them. But notifications on my phone and computer help remind me of what to do and when to do it.
- Do you ever finish those other things and actually get to the things you've put off? - Yes, there are days where I say things must be done and finished and they get done. To finish what you started is a motto I do try to live by but sometimes it's the starting part that's harder than the finishing part.
- Do you ever feel caught up, as if everything on your to-do list has been checked off? - Only when i go to the grocery store is everything checked off. There's always something that didn't get done that day or that week.
- Do you complaint about being bored, or of having too much time on your hands? - Strangely, only when the step-kids are here... yes. I feel like I can't be myself or do what I want to do. It's a mental stage I enter when they are here on weekends. It seems like no one wants to really go out and do things and/or hang out with each other. Everyone seems occupied with their own thing.
- If so, how do you address that? What do you do to fill the time? - Watch a crapload of Netflix and draw while I watch.
- Do you stop what you're doing when anyone calls and shift all your attention to them? - Mostly yes. I find it respectful to listen to the ones who are speaking.
- Do you do this whether it's an emergency or just an everyday call? - I'm not on the phone during emergencies. I'm with the person. If it's a business emergency, yes on call and devote my attention fully to the issues at stake. An everyday call usually has my full attention, unless that person truly bores me.
- Do you always agree to do a favor for someone, whether it's convenient for you or not? Only with very close friends. Not everyone gets favors or deserve favors and if the favor consists of breaking rules or laws, I genuinely decline to be a part of such acts. I remember this one time in college, a girl had asked me if I'd drive to the licquor store and pick up some drinks (she paid) and she was under-age but I thought I was doing her a favor and when the transaction was done, she said thanks and never spoke to me again. I felt used and saddened that I wasn't welcomed to the event especially since I had made it happen. After that, I never helped anyone else under-age and never bought alcohol for anyone unless I was 100% sure I was invited and respected.
- If so, do you ever feel put-upon or get resentful as a result? - Uh, see answer above.
- Do you think that saying no makes you a bad person or selfish person? - Absolutely not. It makes you confident. Big difference although most confuse selfish with confidence and vise.
- Is there ever an appropriate time to say no? When? - You say no when it endangers your life or your friends life or anyone that matters to you. You say no when your gut says no. You say no when you just don't feel like doing a favor for x person.
- Do you get resentful if people say no to you? - Not at all. Just pick a new person.
- Do you take "no" personally; do you sometimes think they might have said yes to someone else under similar circumstances? - No I don't. If I cared about every single no I got, I'd be in really bad shape mentally and physically. The only "no" I don't like is when someone doesn't want to be my friend or hang out with me. But I move on.
- What's the difference between an excuse and explanation? An excuse is a way to avoid telling the truth; an explanation is facing the truth and saying it like it is.
- Do you think you're often offering a valid explanations for things and not making excuses? My only valid excuse for not accomplishing something is when I'm sick or physically worn out. Everything else is just invalid.
- Have you ever had a disagreement with someone over this interpretation? - No... I don't have philosophical conversations about excuses and explanations with anyone, like ever. If I feel that someone is making an excuse, I just roll my eyes and ignore them and walk away. If I feel it's a sincere explanation, then I nod and say I understand.
- Does your stuff seem to have a life of its own? - I gave up all my belongings pretty much. It's my husband who has a garage-full of crap, including a car, a bike in a box, a motorcycle, countless tools, propellers hanging from the wall, water ski's, you name it; I swear it's in that garage or upstairs in the office-slash-extra storage space for hubby and his musical stuff he never plays. Well, maybe once a year.
- Do you set something down and swear it moves sometime during the night? - It's very possible when you don't live alone things move, yes.
- How often during a week do you misplace something you need - keys, wallet, cell phone? - Keys, occasionally but the others, never. Sometimes I do misplace important papers and I am continually trying to do better.
- Are you mostly upbeat, except when you think about your stuff? No, I'm rarely "upbeat".
- Or did you used to be and now you feel beaten down? - Depressing question. No and no.
- Do you have piles of papers around but swear you can find anything in them? No, don't have this problem. I have minimal paperwork out since I had to get taxes done but that is all. And the only reason they haven't been put away yet is because the office and filing cabinet is ... upstairs. I hate having a house with two floors. It makes life tedious and unkept.
- Have you ever freaked out, becoming panicky or unreasonably upset, when someone moved your stuff? - Absolutely because of what little I have left that is truly my own. The rest, my husbands stuff, not really. Don't have space in my heart for that. I just see it as baggage.
- Have you ever lost something that was important to you because someone confused it for trash? - Maybe not trash but my mother lent a book I was still reading to my aunt and I went nuts looking for it for a week before I told her I couldn't find it. She had shipped it out thinking I was done reading it. I was pretty agitated about that considering she didn't ask me first, but I got over it.
- If that has happened, do you feel partly responsible or are you the victim of someone else's mistake? Victim, for sure.
- Do you get nervous when the phone rings? When it's an unknown call, yes. I despise talking to random unknown people on the phone.
- Do you screen your calls? Every phone does that for you, so yes.
- Has stuff made living in your home challenging? Partially yes. Making the rent has become difficult along with child support and new bills. I feel like we have to sell things just to make it. We have to declutter our stuff in order to keep taking showers, use lights at night, drive the truck, etc. It is a major reason as to why I was looking into this book and finally purchased it.
- Does your stuff seem to force you into smaller and smaller living spaces? - We have a two car garage and it's been treated as a storage unit rather than a car spot. We also pay for storage monthly for an RV and a boat. The boat was remodeled like 6 months ago and still hasn't been used. It's his baby though. His stuff is costing us quite a bit in Insurance and Storage fees. Our annual is $114 on the car stuff, plus another $29 for his motorcycle and then storage of $75ish a month. It adds up when you have a medical bill to satisfy, an IRS tax lien, a car payment, commission payments to make, etc.
- Do you sleep to one side of your bed because you have a pile of stuff next to you? - Never. I sleep on one side of the bed because either my husband, puppies or both are next to me. Never "stuff" though. The only "stuff" on the bed are pillows and those are supposed to be on the bed.
- Do you sometimes have difficulty breathing? - I did when I first moved out here. I thought I was allergic to the trees here but my cough and stuffy nose wouldn't give up after a month of being sick and neither did any medication I received from the doctor. I decided one morning that it had to be the house itself. Sure enough, after vacuuming and dusting it from head to toe, I was able to breathe again just fine. I know I need to vacuum the minute I start sneezing five times in one day.
- Do you spend more time looking for things than doing the things you love? - No.
- Is looking for things threatening to overtake your passions? - No, but my husband tends to look for things a lot in the garage and if he can't find it, he just goes out and buys another. Hence.... the stuff. He doesn't realize his things are disorderly and his system makes no sense. So I am trying to help him by doing this organizing thing and finding a way to keep his garage under control, his man cave the same but more efficient and the wallet thicker.
- Are you often just a few minutes late to get somewhere? - No, I'm always too early. I hate waiting in the car but I suck at determining how long it will take me to get somewhere so I leave like an hour early and always end up sitting in the car wasting time and waiting.
- Do you tell yourself that being late is not a big deal? - It is always a big deal. You can't treat someone else's time as if it's meaningless. People see that and unless there was some serious incident that caused you to be late or to fail showing up at all (like me for my Psychology exam since I was in a car accident), people don't take you seriously.
- Do you think that the people you love are more important than stuff? - Yes, absolutely. Being an orphan until 6, I didn't have stuff. So when I do, I take excellent care of it until I no longer feel the need to own it or have it. Stuff has no meaning when you die, like I said before. Its like a suitcase without an owner. But people, they laugh, they move, they cry, they fight, they breathe and that's what life is supposed to be about - not stuff.
- If someone only looked at your behavior, would they objectively see that? - No because what they see are strictly my husbands possessions. I did not acquire these things with him as we are newlyweds but he has told me the other day that he'd much rather have cash than assets so that we can do what we want to do.
- When you're feeling blue, do you think that shopping will get you out of your funk? - As a woman, I know about this flaw in our character and I strictly avoid going shopping because I'm angry or upset. I go upstairs and sit in my room alone until it passes. It's a helluva lot cheaper than shopping, right?
- Does the act of buying something make you feel all warm and fuzzy? - It used to but I think making something does that better. The act of buying something because you like it or you saw someone wear it doesn't mean it will suit you as a person. I have learned that. I bought a Calvin Klein dress that I saw someone wear and thought, wow what a stunning dress but when I owned it, I never wore it And I'd like to say it's because I haven't had the opportunity, but then that would be an excuse, right?
- Have you ever said, "I'd die without _____!" - In terms of stuff, no. I thought it was that way with the iPad 2 my father gave me the last year he was alive but when he passed away, it reminded me of him and so i let it go. I didn't need that and so far I'm not dead without it so ... yeah.
- If you've said the previous thing, was it a thing or a person? - If I have, it was a person.
- Do you often speak in absolutes (I always, I never)? - No. Getting a bachelors in Legal Studies taught me that one. Never say never and if the word 'always' is in a True and False statement, it's always false.
- Do you have stories of most of the things you own? - Just a little stuffed pink elephant holding a heart that says "i love you". It was from my first crush, so I think. Other than that, not really. But any gifts someone gives me, I keep for a long time because it holds sentimental value to me that someone thought of me and wanted to give me something without anything in return. I like those kind of things.
- Do you like to tell them to your friends and family? How about strangers? Anyone who'll listen? - Desperate are we? Geez, no. I don't tell my stories to anyone because chances are they do not care.
- Do they find the stories as fascinating as you do? - See answers above. The only stories I share or my husband and I share are those of vacations and trips and memories of events, not of our things and how we obtained them.
- Do you think you talk more about stuff or the things you've done? - Secondary. The only stuff we talk about excessively is work-related and that's kind of required in order to get anything done in the business world.
